The River Styx
by xTamashii
Summary: He wanted to know what was on the other side of those dark waters, but at the same time, he was terrified to know.  What if there was nothing but evil there?  Afraid as he was, he was willing to chance it. -AU; Ivan centric-


I think I've said this before, but I love writing short drabbles...?

There is also the slight impossibility that I am insane, but we shall overlook that for now.

One quick note. Intended to be AU, because it seems I fail at anything else.

But, please read. That is all I have to say. I truly am much better at drabble writing than I am at long fiction writing...

* * *

**The River Styx**

_"When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty."_

* * *

He had to follow it. It was there, just before him, taunting him with it's dazzling shine.

What was it, though? He didn't know. He didn't care, either.

His voice was soft as he hummed, following the brilliant light with the fascination of a child, wanting nothing more than to capture it. He wanted to hold it, to see if it was as warm as it looked.

But every time, every time, every time, one thing happened. And after this happened, it was impossible for him to follow the light.

The light would cross a stream. No, to call it a stream would be improper. Perhaps river was better? But it seemed to small to be a river, either. Hmm.

He could only watch with sad eyes as the light vanished on the other side of that black, black river, disappearing into the smoky fog. He was envious of whatever was on that other side. He wanted to _go there so badly_. Wherever that light went, warmth was sure to follow, right?

Mind made, up, he headed to the river. Just as he was about to take a step into the river -

* * *

His hand was outstretched toward the ceiling as his eyes snapped open. One leg was bent slightly at the knee and angled slightly toward the edge of the bed, as if he had been intending to get up in his sleep.

Ivan sighed, moving his outstretched hand so he could run it over his face, closing his eyes for a moment. That same dream again. Without fail it would taunt him. He distinctly remember the longing for that ball of light...every time. He wanted it every time, but never could get it.

He breathed slowly through his nose for a moment before opening his eyes again, pulling his hand from his face and sitting up, staring at the blue skies just outside his window. The sun was brilliant today, not obscured by clouds.

It would never be as lovely as that light, though.

* * *

"Wrong again." The man clicked his tongue and marked something off on his clipboard while Ivan stared dejectedly at his already worn paper. There were a number of things written on it, most of which were half erased or crossed out and rewritten several times.

"I _am_ sorry." Ivan whispered.

The man could only shake his head. "I am not your teacher. If you fail this, you fail completely. Now, _try it again_." Perhaps if you manage to get at least half of the line right I'll try and deal with the administration." He sighed in exasperation.

"Ivan, I am trying to help. So please. For your own sake, try _harder_."

"Yes, sir. I understand that. I'll try, I will." He smiled faintly, picking up the pencil in his already bandaged and blistered fingers.

The other man watched wordlessly, pen poised over his clipboard.

* * *

"What do you MEAN you failed it again?" The woman screeched, tossing the dish she had been drying at him. It narrowly missed him, whizzing past his ear and smashing against the wall behind him instead.

"Mother, I - "

"If you cannot prove that you are fluent in English, do you know that they will do?" Her voice rose an octave with each word. She sounded utterly livid, snatching another dish and breathing heavily.

Ivan braced himself as she raised it but then she did something unexpected - she sighed and lowered the dish, her expression growing weary.

"Please, just go. I cannot bear to see you right now. My disappointment cannot even be put into words." She turned away from him, setting the dish down on the counter top and reaching for another.

* * *

Unshed tears stung at the corners of his eyes, the lump in his throat was so big it hurt. He ignored both of these things as he ran, ran into the night, trying desperately to leave behind everything at home. It followed him still, somehow, even though he was sure he was long gone. His mother's disappointed eyes, his father's cruel words and whack to the head...there was sure to be a bruise there.

Though his chest ached, Ivan refused to stop running. If he stopped, his mind would be able to focus on the hurt more easily, and that was the last thing he wanted. He wanted it all gone, he was sick of it, he was tired of everything. Was it too much to ask for? For everything to just stop and leave him be?

Ivan was never good at English. Terrible, as a matter of fact. His Russian was flawless. But when it came to English he...couldn't do it. He choked up and simply couldn't do it. He'd gotten in trouble a number of times with his teachers over the years. This time, he'd gotten in an outright shouting match with his most recent one. This one refused to put up with any of his nonsense and basically kicked him out of the class.

Thus, he was stuck with a district-approved tutor now. A man who was harsh but did care about his passing.

He was always getting into all kinds of trouble at school...fights, verbal attacks on other students, sometimes on teachers as well. It irked his parents to no end. He wanted desperately to change, but he felt as if the pressure was going to slowly crush him into a little ball. Oh, if only that would happen. It would make things so much easier.

Ivan stopped finally, breathing heavily, letting his tears finally flow.

* * *

Ah, that light again. It was like a firefly, flitting it's way through the darkness, lighting up all it touched.

He knew what would happen after he followed it to the river. It would be the same as every other time. Despite how badly he wanted it, it would forever elude him. The thought brought an ache to his chest.

Even though he knew, something seemed different about this time. He was so close, truly, he could feel its warmth just beneath his fingertips...then it reached the river. And Ivan stopped. What was stopping him now?

The light danced tantalizingly before him, casting the black waters with a lovely golden hue.

He lifted a foot, uncertain. If he could follow this light, down what road would it take him? What would he do? What would happen?

Cautious, he placed it down. The water was cool, but somehow, not quite...damp like water was. The feeling was inexplicable. Wanting to feel it more closely, he took off his shoes, putting both feet into the water. Ah. It felt nice. Calming. Like all his worries were floating away...

The light began to move again. Not wanting it to leave him behind, he followed, followed until he reached the banks of the river, disappearing into the smoky fog he'd only dreamed of seeing beyond.

* * *

The doctor gazed solemnly at one of his fellows, shaking his head.

"Time of death, 12:05 AM..." He noticed an attendant take some notes on a clipboard.

Sighing faintly, he reached over to close the boy's eyelids. The most terrifying thing was that he looked oddly...happy, strangely dreamy despite what had happened to him.

"Cause of death, blood loss due to multiple lacerations and punctured lung thanks to impact." He was more or less talking to himself now. "Hit by a car, hm."

He glanced at the boy - but could he really be called a boy? He was man-sized! He hadn't even seen a 'boy' quite so large. But he was only sixteen. So a boy he was indeed.

"Go tell the parents." He nodded at another doctor who nodded quickly, exiting the room.

"Why would you be pleased with death?" The man asked the dead boy.

But of course, he received no answer.

After all, why would Ivan answer him when he was where he'd wanted to be most?

_

* * *

_

_Hope was a firefly; fleeting, lovely, and short lived._

_He had no use for such a thing, not when there was something oh so much better waiting for him far away from everything else._

_Hope had no place in his life, hope had no place in his afterlife._

_It was for someone else. Not for him._

_But he hoped, honestly, that someone out there still hoped._

_'Perhaps it won't betray you as it did me.'_

_'Perhaps it will be kind to you.'_

_'Perhaps fate will smile upon you.'_

_'Perhaps I'm a liar, and I really want you to suffer as I did.'_

_A smile sealed the deal. _

_Who knew, really?_

_

* * *

_Um. Wow.

I don't know. I don't. I really don't. So don't ask, please?

I'm sorry if it was vague and cryptic...argh, it's the way I write these days. Vague, cryptic, and painfully cynical and dark.

Hope you enjoyed, though, to some extent perhaps...

Please review, it would be much appreciated.


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